Beaver Island Michigan

This should make you laugh!!

> These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>
> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
> WITNESS: July 18th.
> ATTORNEY: What year?
> WITNESS: Every year.
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ___________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one...
> ________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Uh...
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Huh?
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
>
>

Thanks for the laughs! Amazing.

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato
garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only
son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a
letter to his son and described his predicament.



Dear Fred,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to
plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be
over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

- Love Dad



A few days later he received a letter from his son.




Dear Dad,

For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried
the BODIES.

- Love Fred




At 4 am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and
dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized
to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another
letter from his son.




Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do
under the circumstances.

- Love Fred